The balancing act.

                “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness.”
                                -Lamentations 3:22-23

                Today, as I wondered what I wanted to write about, my heart felt so full, and my mind so empty. This semester has been so incredibly crazy and difficult to deal with. Balancing everything has been a huge challenge for me; one that I presumed I was prepared for, but one that has proved me to be very wrong. In all aspects of life, I feel so weak; mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally. It all seems so out of balance. I’ve never been good at balance, really. I swing to the far sides of the pendulum, always being a more extremist of a person than a fence-rider. I have always been deeply opinionated and I take a strong stand on issues and things that I care about. Lately, though, I feel as if I have been riding along the middle line. It’s as though I have become so complacent and busy that I don’t give any real effort to anything. My time is so spread out between 14 hours of classes, 3 jobs, church, College Group, Bible Study, 5 siblings, 2 parents, 6 roommates and trying to still have a social life somewhere in there that it’s as if I have forfeited the ability to give real time and effort to any of the aforementioned things. How sad is that? It’s not how I want to live my life—so busy that I never truly invest in anything. It’s not how God intended it.

                I don’t want to be a “fence-rider”. It’s so sad to me that the society and culture we are thrown into as Americans has almost forced us to be so busy that we can’t breathe. (This is a bold statement to make, I am aware, because any mention of the country we are blessed and cursed to live in is, by nature, controversial. However, I do want to make it clear that I am so very thankful to live in America and to have everything that I need and more. My point is not to degrade the fountain of progress and privilege that we are given as citizens here; on the contrary, it is simply to state that I have, by influence and by my own accord, given in to the frantic and non-stop lifestyle exemplified by the faulty definition of “success” that is exalted by our culture.) It is almost inescapable—the need to be constantly busy is hard to escape when there are papers to be written, exams to be studied for, rent and tuition money that is due, etcetera, etcetera. This realization has driven me to one question: where is my peace and rest? If I am doomed to the inevitable pattern of business, where am I going to find any moment of relief? The answer is so simple: Christ. With Christ as the solid, unchanging, unwavering, unmoving, unconditional foundation for my life and everything I do, His peace will evade all fear. I cannot just stop catering to the daily responsibilities I have, but I can cast all of my cares upon the Lord. He will be my strength, shield and fortress in times of chaos and unrest. How sweet it is to have the extravagantly rescuing love of a Savior. I would dare to say it’s time for us to find balance in our lives, and cut out things that waste our time so that we can be good stewards of the time given to us.

Beautiful Beginnings

Life is a wonderfully complex thing. I can't help but laugh when I think of all the dimensions God gave to me. Not even I, the owner and operator of my brain, can understand it. It's a part of His humor, I guess, to watch me constantly trying to figure myself out. I think it's going to take my whole life and then some to come to any sort of worthy conclusion concerning the intricate weavings of my mind and emotions. Thankfully, I am quite certain that everything happens for a reason.

So why is this all worthy of mention? I am challenged by the thought that my Creator gave me each of my characteristics for a reason; He even allowed each of my flaws for a reason. It would be contradictory of everything that I stand for to not search for answers to the hard questions- such as why the Lord has permitted struggle and strife. I was once a small, scared little girl wondering why God allowed certain things to happen to me. I faced many things that, at the time, I would have given anything to change. When I look back upon these first almost 20 years of my life, I am able to confidently say, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that each hardship I have faced has been only to reveal in new and more intimate ways the deep and unrelenting love that my Savior has for me. I am drawn into deeper thankfulness each time I am given a fresh perspective on the events in my past. It is the most beautiful thing I could ever ask for.

I say none of this in hopes of pity or judgment. Instead, I hope to draw attention to the fact that the Lord is only allowing in your life what will bring the intensification of your process of sanctification. Sometimes, we need to be flat on our faces with nowhere else to go for Him to grab hold of our attention. My prayer for this blog is that I could be a source of encouragement or wisdom to any ear willing to listen. I don’t claim to be wise or have anything of real significance to say, but I claim to know Jesus Christ, and I will proclaim Him until the day that I die. These complicated thoughts and emotions that I experience, I trust, are all for a reason. So, here’s to putting them to what I pray to be good use.